Most days, it feels as if no matter how hard I work, no one takes me seriously. Especially when it comes to working hard towards my career in fashion. This isn’t the case but it is how it feels.
The real issue, however, isn’t about whether or not others take me seriously. Nope. The one person who hesitates to believe in me, is me.
In this season of my life, I have been struggling with finding my confidence. Every time I work up the nerve to take a step towards something I want, something happens causing me to shrink back or the opportunity slips from my grasp. I have felt completely shaken, you know the feeling, when it feels like the floor has fallen out from under you. For the past several months it has been a perpetual state of that feeling.
That was until August 27th, 2017.
The day I shot photos for this blog, I wasn’t overwhelmed with self-doubt or insecurities. I felt like a professional. The photographer spoke to me as a fellow professional, and understood my creative thought process. I didn’t have to shrink back, make excuses, or belittle why I wanted the pictures.
Up until that day, it’s been my friends snapping pictures of me occasionally. (I work retail so my schedule rarely lines up with my people’s.) I always feel slightly embarrassed and guilty for asking them to take a picture/video. I shouldn’t, they don’t care and don’t mind, but I have this underlying fear that they think it’s ridiculous or not serious. So I don’t act serious. I love my friends and hate to feel like a burden to them. Again, I am fighting a battle against myself.
This has been a hard season of rebuilding and discovery, I need to rebuild my confidence and belief in what I’m good at. I plan on doing that through discovering what sets my heart on fire, including this blog. I know that I may not change anyone’s mind or make anyone believe in me, but I know that this blog, my YouTube channel, and taking steps to go further in the fashion industry is what I am serious about. So, it's time to take myself seriously. I can do this, because God designed me with the passion and talent to pursue it.